I just saw an old friend of mine who had just graduated. It was great to see him and hear what he is doing and re-cap over our summers and life. But it made me realize something. The conversation we had was fantastic, but it was too short. Funny thing was that is what we ended our conversation with. We talked about what we want to do with our lives, what we enjoyed about last year and then we finished by talking about graduation a moment in my life I am not particularly looking forward to right now.
College lasts for four years and before you know it people are getting engaged, finding jobs, planning amazing trips, and figuring out life after college. And it is extremely exciting to realize you have complete freedom to decide what to do with your life. For a brief moment you have the opportunity to do whatever you want!
But in order to do all of that you have to say goodbye.
That is what is most frightening.
Every year I begin the year seeing everyone I have gotten to know over the years we hug and share our excitement for a new school year and after doing this four years I have realized that those parting words, "I'll see you around, don't worry!" are more of an excuse to avoid making plans. We all get hyped up into the excitement of a new year and we forget how busy and complicated college life actually is and in reality we won't see them again unless we make intentional plans.
What did not fully occur to me until last night was the number of seniors who graduated last year who I never got the chance to say goodbye to. I have shared many memorable moments with many of these people, and I wish I could have spent countless more moments with them. But what happened instead? I finished up my exams and room checks running like a dying battery doing the best I could to keep up and finish well. I got to say goodbye to my RA friends, and that was great, but what I didn't realize was that I forgot something important, my friends who were graduating.
I don't think I said goodbye well to anyone who graduated. Instead it was a goodbye much like the hello I offered them at the beginning of last year, "Bye! I'll see you around!" Let's be real for a moment here--I won't.
The majority of these people are now spread around the country. The only thing that held us together was Calvin College, and now that is gone.
College is fantastic, especially Calvin. This institution gives its students the opportunity to learn from some of the greatest minds in Christian Scholarship but more importantly it brings together some of the most passionate and interesting people to learn from and grow with each other.
So what do you do, what do you say, when you have to leave? I cannot maintain deep relationships with everyone I have ever met. This is a reality I do not want to accept and I have no idea how to accept.
2 comments:
even when people are no longer at Calvin, Calvin is never gone. The Calvin connection only gets stronger. It's not easy nor fun to say goodbye, but intentionality is key to maintaining friendships - whether you make plans to do coffee or make plans to fly to new york to visit... whether it's catching up on the path or catching up on the phone. It'll all be ok, I promise, even if it's never easy.
That's a really tough one. I'm spoiled by all my friends who stuck around Rochester, but I miss some of the others a lot. I thought the transition I had to go through my freshman year in college was the last time I'd have to do something like that. Not so. All over again after I graduated I was thrust into a brave new frontier. I changed all over again and started wondering if I would ever grow into my final self.
It's a very hard but very good change. Hold on to your best friends. Don't try to hold on to everyone. It sounds cold, but if you try to keep in touch with too many people, you'll just end up doing it poorly for everyone. Pick your best of friends and keep those ties strong. Schedule time in your last months with all of them and a few of the others, and really savor those last moments.
Graduating is terrifying. But it's good. You need to move on. You can do it, Laura. You'll find somewhere even better. :)
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