strain this chaos turn it into life

- Snow Patrol

These past few weeks have been interesting, it keeps getting more and more real that I will have my own classroom which is kind of terrifying. I am excited for my classroom but the closer it get to having real kids in front of me the more I have realized my deep seated fear that I will fail. Reality is that I am uncomfortable with the idea of failure. On top of that I feel like I am on a cliff waiting to jump because I am aware of how difficult and how challenging this year is.

Sometimes I have difficulty being positive about the experience. It's not an everyday, I mean really this is what I've wanted to do with my life. But I think I am so nervous because I know how serious this work is and how much is weighing my being successful this year.

I just need to find some motivational quotes to inspire me and help me believe in my abilities. I often forget what I am fully capable of and realize that although I am not perfect I can be successful I can make a change. TFA believes I can do it so I can, right?

people moving all the time inside a perfectly straight line

- Coldplay

So I am officially moved into my apartment in Memphis! It's been super busy and hectic but it's coming together. I am a little sad about living by myself sometimes because it is very quiet and I am definitely going to have to make a lot of effort to see people but I think it'll be good.

It has been interesting these last few weeks thinking about what really made me want to go into teaching. As a college freshmen I was very concerned about enjoying my future career. I worried that I would not like my job in the future, and thinking, how could I be expected to make a choice about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life as an 18 year old?

But when I was student teaching in Chicago I realized that I never felt tired or bored. The reality is that when I was young I thought I would never want to be a teacher because I thought teaching would be boring or cliche. Almost all my friends' parents were teachers and I wanted to do something exciting, something no one else would do.

While training in Atlanta and now back in Memphis, I realized that not only will teaching never be boring, but this is actually really important and exciting work. I have the great opportunity to make a huge difference in students' lives and effect transformational change. It scares me how much work will go into effecting transformational change, but I figure why let my 6 year old self down? I have always wanted to do something exciting with my life and why not start now?