For the last few months it has amazed me how much free time I have and how I spend my free time. I purposely decided to take less credits this past semester and although it had its moments of being busy overall I had more free time than I have ever had while attending Calvin. What I forgot when creating this schedule was that with this extra free time I would have to be intentional about how I spent that free time.
I don't necessarily think I have wasted too much of that time but I have begun to realize how much time I spend on my computer. Even when I need to be on my computer for homework I get distracted so much by Facebook. I am on Facebook more than I would like to admit, but I defend that the reason I am is because I chat with my friends. Although most people I talk to would argue that I should not feel embarrassed by this, I still do when I realize that scrolling down on my newsfeed is futile since I already have seen everything on it five minutes before.
More importantly over break and even this Saturday I realized that I don't quite know what to do with myself when I have free time. I don't want to watch TV or sit on my computer because I feel like there are much better ways to use my time. But I have found that I tend to lack the motivation to do anything else with my time. I have plenty of books I could read but currently I am not inspired to read, or to draw, or to play my violin, or knit. All of these hobbies seem like chores to me right now. I have never been quite skilled in the art of relishing time spent alone.
What is interesting is I hate being extremely busy. It is taxing on my soul because I cannot enjoy moving slowly through life. I feel guilty often times when I sit around not doing anything even when I am not procrastinating. I feel like I just don't know what to do when my life is not busy when I actually have time I don't know what to do with it. This is most likely a reflection on how I have lived my life thus far. I realize not every day is going to be perfect but I want learn how to enjoy being by myself and enjoy having nothing to do.
